My Heart's Beat
by maniacalfish
Summary: Wolfram lives his life to the pace of his heartbeat. He's always listened to its pulsing, and the events of his life are coloured by it. Wolfram-centric, hopeful WolfYuu


This is a Wolfram-centered story, and would make almost no sense unless you know what KKM is about. So, the whole thing is basically a spoiler, and it's written from Wolfram's point of view. Can be taken as one-sided WolfYuu, but it's not meant to be. Hope you like this slightly sad story, and please review :) And, I think of Ka-Thump as the sound of a heart beat.

Enjoy!

My heart's beat.

When that war of so many yet so few years ago was claiming the lives of so many, my heart had beaten in a slow, frightened pace. If time was measured by the beats of my heart, I had so foolishly reasoned, if my pulse is sluggish, it will not feel like so short a time from when the fighting began until when bodies were strewn everywhere. People would not have died in the blink of an eye. My poor brothers would not die so swiftly, my mother would not be forced to grieve when she was so young.

It ended so slowly, but time since its end until today has passed by quickly.

My brothers did not die, but even now I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, breath laborious as I feel my heart beat so agonisingly slowly, that I die for a short eternity between each pulse. The fear returns sometimes when I wish it would not, and as I had taught myself so long ago, my heart stretches time and aches within my heart with its heavy, dulled thumping.

Ka-Thump.

Ka-Thump.

Ka-Thump.

No one but I know that this is how I feel time.

When that _idiot _Yuuri had come here, my blood had boiled. How _dare_ this pathetic excuse for a man come _now_, and get control of _my _country when obviously my brother should have succeeded the throne? This _boy,_who wasn't here when his supposed subjects had fought and died for this land, who hadn't even been _born _yet when we were suffering, is to be king?

Disbelief drowned the roar of blood coursing to my head. Never have I been so angered and insulted in my life. And his mother was a human! A filthy, vicious human, whose kin would kill the demons because we are different, who would hurt us who love them by leaving so soon.

That his disgusting hand had touched me was enough to make me wish to hurl; that he had proposed made me wish he would die at my feet, so that I would have the pleasure of kicking his dead body and rejoice over the passing of such a pest.

My heart hammered unstoppably, at a frantic pace. So much blood was needed, being the fuel for my burning hatred. It felt like seconds had passed from when he had assaulted me, to when I was humiliated by him calling on some deity of justice.

Ka-thump.

Ka-thump.

Ka-thump.

The problem with the boxes brought out the worst in everyone. Fear rose and covered all but the most oblivious; in the entire kingdom only one was enough of a fool to not worry at all. It was Yuuri. Mostly it was because of his conspicuous absence from my world, though it still felt to me like a betrayal of the trust a king holds. When the people suffer, the ruler _must_suffer too.

Complications had arose. Yuuri had returned to this world, but not in Shin Makoku. I was forbidden to go after him, but I couldn't resist. Many weeks had passed since the time of his proposal, and to my immense surprise I found myself growing less repulsed by _what _he is and more attracted to _who_he was.

I was a young man who had lost hope and faith so long ago it felt as though I was born without them.

And this, this _wimp _of a king, who was all gentleness and insistent passivity, who did what I would not, what I could not, had _so _much faith and trust and hope. Enough, I was beginning to feel, to supply all of us, the entirety of the Demon Kingdom.

I feared I had fallen in love. I had feared it long ago, but my willingness to disobey my brother proved to me most obviously that I was in love. Hopelessly, embarrassingly so. My temper flared when he came, and it has never ceased to burn even over the smallest slight.

I was mad at him, then mad for him, and my angered behaviour did not apparently change much.

When I had arrived in Cimaron, when we had rode in the dessert, when I had felt the ungodly tremor and _knew_that the object of my pathetic affection was in grave danger, I was certain my heart would beat its way out of my chest. I cursed at myself for being unable to control it, a tiny part worried that my old superstition was true; that the crazed whirring would only hasten his pain.

When he had fallen, my screaming heart gave wings to my feet. I flew, over crumbling rocks and moaning men to that sudden crack in the earth, and grabbed the arm that flailed. The only time I had felt so much gladness was when both my brothers had ended the war with their lives; I worried I would pass out from the rush of blood to my head.

"If you fall, I fall with you"

To my immense shame, I have rarely been so truthful. Had I not been able to reach him in time, my heart would beat so swiftly it would stop.

Ka-thump. Ka-thump. Ka-thump.

When he had left, left forever for his home, I was in tears. I was in full view of my brothers and anyone else who could see me. But I did not care. _I _told him to return. _I _told him that my fiancee would not be so heartless a man that he would abandon his family. I had a right to my tears. Forcing the words out of me had hurt so much, that to this day I am proud that my knees had not buckled, and I had not fallen to the ground.

In my soul I growled, damning any who would begrudge me my moment of sadness. When he leaves, there will be no one left. I do not do anything in halves. I love him, and until such a time when he or the man that I am now dies, I will love none other. When he leaves, I will be alone nursing my broken heart, hoping for it to heal but knowing that it would be pointless.

I could not resist calling out his name at that last moment, when I was faced by his back. I could not stop myself from wanting him to stay, to be near even if my love will never be returned. It hurts less to suffer from unrequited love than it is to be left completely alone, separated by the impossibilities of space.

I wanted him _here_.

I had told him to _go._

I knew that I had said the right thing; even I was not yet so heartless that I would force him to stay when his heart was there, with his family and his normal life.

My heart had forced blood to my head, at such a rate that I was left wondering if I was crying blood. I didn't pay it much heed, tears of any kind were welcome. At least the sound of my pulse in my ears drowned out a bit of the misery. It was companionable, a constant presence to everything I do.

Then he said goodbye.

Ka-thump. _Ka_-

I was amused that I suddenly couldn't feel it beat anymore. I was alive, but it seems my heart has died.

I was unsurprised, I had expected as much. Only that I was still alive and breathing proved a slight shock, but I felt curiously detached.

He's left.

Silence. If it will not make a sound, I will not force it.

It started out softly, so softly that it would have been impossible to hear under most circumstances. But I had lived with absolute silence in my mind for so long, it sounded like the drumming of soldiers' feet as they march.

I was surprised. It felt nice, it felt reassuring. But for some reason, though my heart grew and began beating in earnest, the sound I heard was different.

It started like a whisper at first, like the wind as it blows gently through the trees.

Then it began matching the pace and intensity of my pounding heart, and I felt my mouth dry.

I ran, arriving at the fountain he was so fond of appearing in. People were milling about, perhaps not as dejected as I was, but the the gloom was unmistakeable. I think I spied my brothers out of the corner of my eye, but at that moment I could easily have mistaken Dakaskos for my mother. I was panting, though I had not run very far. I could feel anticipation course through me, propelled with my blood by my heart, which was thumping excitedly.

The steady hum in my head was unmistakeable.

I prayed that I was right; that I wasn't being delusional.

When the water in the fountain started swirling, I nearly fainted.

Then, _he _appeared.

He, who I had resigned to never meeting again.

He, who I loved for being what I lack, yet need.

He, who had had left and was never meant to return.

Yuuri, that _idiot_ double black.

_My _Yuuri.

I waded into the fountain, uncaring for my uniform as it grew wet. I kneeled in front of him, him smiling worriedly at me from his sprawled position in the fountain, only partially out of the water.

There was someone next to him, but I didn't care. He was here. _Here._

I lunged.

I attacked him, screaming and shouting and unleashing all my fury on this pitiful boy. My heart was singing with joy, but I was too much in shock to show anything more complicated than anger.

I vaguely heard Conrad welcoming him to his country, and I heard him say he's home.

All I could clearly hear, from the roaring in my heart to my voice screaming within, the chant that grew so loud it expressed how I felt better than I thought possible, was:

_YuuriYuuriYuuriYuuriYuuriYuuriYuuriYuuriYuuriYuuriYuuriYuuriYuuriYuuriYuuri_

His name, over and over again. If I had doubted the depth of my feelings for him, this reunion has proved it all wrong.

You idiot! I wanted to scream. How in Shinou's name did you train my heart to say only your name?!

I didn't scold him for this. Even I knew he wouldn't have the vaguest idea what I would be talking about. But I conceded to myself, that of every single way I've had my heart beat, none filled me with quite as much happiness as its pulsing now.

Seeing as how I was lucky enough to have him return, I allowed myself a tiny sliver of hope. Maybe my luck will hold, and if I am very, _very_ lucky, one day _his_heart would beat to my name.

I am content. For now. This strange rhythm has made me brave, and I fully intend to test my courage sometime soon.

I smile evilly as I smack his arm. He just smiles back, looking apologetic but very happy.

Ka-thump.

Ka-thump.

Ka-

No, not like that.

Yuuri.

Yuuri.

_Yuuri._


End file.
